Patrick Swayzork


Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayzork


  • Do those three images make any sense to you?
  • Were you able to watch the movie Roadhouse in its entirety?
  • Does the idea of a boozed up fight between barbarian green aliens in an astro-bar being represented in miniature appeal to you?

If the answer to any of those questions is “Hell yeah!” then read on.  If not, then I really wouldnt bother going any further if I were you.


Back in July 1998 a “Brewhouse Bash” ork bar room brawl game was published as part of White Dwarf #223.  The theme was tied in with the release of Gorkamorka around the same time, as can be seen by the Mutie Beast skin being used as some sort of scaly rug in part of the game map (top right).


I played the game with the cardboard stand-ups one Friday before heading to the pub back in 1998, but never played it since.  Its a pretty simple, daft sort of random unlikely incident generator, rather than a rest of skill.

I am absolutely fine with that, horses for courses etc, so I decided to see if some of the other attendees at an upcoming gaming weekend were interested in preparing a brawler miniature for playing the game.  theottovonbismark, Just John, Mr Saturday and non-blogging gaming co-conspirator PB answered the call, and each of them should have images of their brawlers appearing soon.  Theottovonbismark even went so far as to sculpt a number of props for the game which he sent to me to paint (more later this week).

None of which explains things like this…


Im not what one would call a Patrick Swayze fan.  I have seen Ghost, but I have never seen Dirty Dancing or even Point Break, nor am I ever likely to watch them.  I have never seen Roadhouse either, primarily because it sounds like abominable horseshit.


See what I mean?



I suppose that I should reserve judgement until I have seen the film, but this eleven minute clip of the movie barfights contained more than enough information for me to draw some conclusions.

Yet the idea of making an ork version of the apparently much loved “Dalton” bouncer character from the movie wouldnt go away, primarily because of the vertigo inducing mullet and the hypnotic, high waisted, cleated trousers.  After an expedition to Monte Figura I found the following candidate elements to realise my 28mm vision.


Actually, I ended up using a different ork head in the end, but forgot to photograph it. Its was a similar sort of thing anyway.

The human figure (from East Riding Miniatures) is a pretty decent approximation of Dalton in terms of physique and wardrobe, plus the pose is spot on.


Sculpting is certainly not my forte – I dread breaking out the putty, I usually find it very frustrating – but I managed to do what need to be done here, namely adding a gargantuan mullet and beefing up the models arms a bit to make it look slightly more like an ork, rather than a man in an ork mask.



Well, very slightly anyway…


The sculpting on the hair in particular is really rather crude, but I reckoned that I could cover a multitude in the painting process, so thats what I did.

The punters need a firm hand when Mushrööm Klöwd is in town...

The punters need a firm hand when Mushrööm Klöwd is in town…

Bringing a power blade to a bar fight... its not going to end well for Space Bono...

Bringing a power blade to a bar fight… its not going to end well for Space Bono…

Despite the crudeness of some of the sculpted elements and the inherently peculiar nature of the project, I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed working on this model.  The end result really quite appeals to me too, I reckon that it is amusing and the more things in a game that make me laugh the better.  Just look at that mullet.  And as for those slacks…

“An’ stay out, ya deadbeat!”

Will I ever watch Dirty Dancing?  No.  But I might record Point Break the next time that its on.  Maybe.

More Brewhouse Bash related things next time.


45 Responses

  1. Nice work on the model, and the GS sculpting really doesn’t look rough at all – especially once painted.
    Point Break was an okay movie for it’s time. Both Swayze and Keanu stand out as appalling actors in it, but special mention goes to the “Australian” police accent at the beach in one scene towards the film’s ending. Your mulleted model probably has better chops than any of them. Still, the bank holdups in masks are worth watching for their influence on things like Payday and Payday 2.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That film is worth it for the “Ronald Reagan spraying flaming gas from a hose” scene alone. And Lori Petty’s bum, which I believe makes a brief appearance.

      This guy is great! He’s incredibly esoteric and I can’t imagine anyone else undertaking this conversion, but you nailed it. The hair is perfect. The arms are entirely fitting. Don’t listen to your stupid creative lobe, telling you otherwise. I also like his hideous pleated khakis, which is a fashion we don’t often get to depict in this hobby.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Bum or not, Lori Petty isnt a huge draw due to the shrieking voice, but that makes three votes for Point Break (if I am answering these in the correct order). It sounds like Swayzathon is on the cards. Im wincing in anticipation.

        He is a pretty niche figure. I would go so far as to say that it may be the only Roadhouse inspired Patrick Swayze/Ork hybrid miniature in existence.

        The trousers are crucial, they take it from “WTF?” to “OMFG!”, as young people might have put it years ago, maybe.

        Thank you for the insight as ever NSA!


    • I was pleased with how the GS work came out overall. The model marks the second time that I have done anything with GS other than fill holes or Oyumaru mould it, so I was relieved that it worked out as well as it did, thanks!

      I think that I saw the first five minutes of Point Break many years ago and switched it off. The new wave of Swayzthusiasm at Sho3box Towers may lead to it being endured for slightly longer next time…perhaps.

      As for Hollywood accents, the Australians and the Irish each get a pretty bum deal generally I think 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That is brilliant Paul & gave me a good laugh, but I’ve a confession to make I’ve seen all those movie’s, you should watch point break the part with the dog is worth it alone lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Another vote for Point Break… Ill set a reminder.

      Im glad that Swayzork did what he was designed for and gave you a chuckle Frank 🙂


  3. This posts has got mullets, models and links to very weird films… I like it. A lot.
    Same goes for the model actually, I love it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Asslessman.

      As a veteran of sculpting Brian May hair, I am sure that you have an intimate knowledge of the satisfaction to be had from making a miniature peacock.


  4. Those perfect, perfect pants… words fail me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heh, thanks Captain.

      Considering that the models hair is so huge and appalling, I see it as a big plus that his nasty strides often get a mention too. They must be truly hideous in order to generate any sort of comment in that context, which I regard as a small personal triumph 🙂


  5. He’s great Paul. Can’t wait to crack a bottle open over his head 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I thought your model would have bigger. Loved that film😊

    Liked by 2 people

  7. The concept was great, the execution is brilliant! The sculpted arms make the figure in my view. It would have been very easy to leave them unaltered, but the added greenstuff goes a long way to reinforce the fact that this is a lean, dapper and lanky ork. With a rather luxurious hair squig 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I considered leaving the arms as is until the last minute, when theottovonbismark mentioned that beefing the pipes up was all that was left to. I was afraid that I would ruin the model to be honest, I had never used GS for anything like that before, but I made a split second decision to try it. Im glad that you approve as I do think that it worked out well.

      Id say less “lanky” and more “rangy”, like a kickboxer 😉 The barnet is nothing if not luxurious.

      Thanks for the feedback axiom.


  8. This is too much ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is probably a bit too goofy for some folks. Not me though. If you dont have a pain in your stomach muscles from laughing during toy soldier games, then you are doing it wrong IMO.

      Thanks Mikko!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. This cracked me up man – those trousers!!! The hair!!! Where the hell do you get your ideas from dude, this is clearly the workings of a deranged and disturbed mind! I love the result though – Swayze nailed but he also kind of reminds me of Blanka from Street Fighter crossed with Simon Cowell… :-/

    For the record – the only film I have voluntarily watched with PS in it is Donnie Darko, but I have been subjected to Point Break and Dirty Dancing too… PB is kinda fun, (spot the cameo from Anthony Kiedis – the Red Hot Chilli Peppers lead singer). DD? Just say no… it’s trauma.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I did see Donnie Darko too actually, but I wasnt that keen on it. Flea from the RHCP tends to be the guy that features in movies, in my experience.

      Im never short of ideas as it happens, but always short of time. This is where Neil Gaiman gets his ideas, and he is much better at expressing it than I will ever be.

      Thanks for the feedback Alex.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Great conversion and a great article on the anniversary of his death, did you do that on purpose is was it purely coincidence? Did you ever play the Shuggy Hall Brawl in Warlock magazine 11 (see link) (, it was a similar sort of thing, we played it several times, I still have the floor plan cut out somewhere. Great stuff again Jason

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had no idea that it was the anniversary of his death on the day that I posted this. Yesterday just happened to be the day that I finished the model and photographed it. A 365 to 1 chance, I suppose it has to happen from time to time :s

      I never played a Shuggy Hall bar brawl game Jason, but it is exactly the sort of thing that I have been keeping my eye put for, I have grabbed the PDF and I will take a look ASAP.

      Thanks for the feedback!


  11. Very nice work on those arms!

    The whole thing I find a bit dubious, but then again, whatever motivates you to paint and play games, right? Looking forward to seeing the other chaps.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Lasgunpacker, the arms did work out well.

      The project is definitely ridiculous, but dubious? In what sense?

      The other figures for the game are marginally less bizarre, but should be entertaining nonetheless 🙂


      • I don’t know, just in the sense of finding it odd that a ork/patrick swayze/bar fight game would be enticing enough that someone would commit precious time to it, but as I said, whatever motivates you to get going on a project is good. Different tastes and all that!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I understand, it is a bizarre sub-project.

          I suppose that I dont find this project that different to painting marginally less bizarre orks for a tabletop battle that arguably makes less sense either.

          But as you say, different tastes 🙂 I certainly find some miniature projects that others enjoy to be uninteresting. Whatever turns ones crank I suppose.

          Thanks for the feedback lasgunpacker 🙂


  12. Thanks man! You literally made my working when I read this at work.

    Love the conversion as much as I loved Road house!!!! Yep I’m that kind of guy.

    It’s hard not to watch the film now and smile at how many cliches they could fit in to 90 min;

    Small town doctor which happens to be a super hot, model type . . Check.

    Drives an American muscle car. . . . . Check

    Reads philosophy just before kicking someone in the head. . . . Check.

    It’s all there. One of Swayze’s finest!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your description makes me slightly more interested in watching it than I was before actually. I definitely can enjoy something that is so bad its good, but its a very fine line.

      I will report back. Meanwhile, I am glad that you got a laugh out of it 🙂


  13. Dude, you have to watch Point Break. But you know that already, and how awesome this conversion and paint job is. Also, is that a breakdancing ork with a weaponised peg leg in the last photo?

    Liked by 1 person

    • The ork isnt intended to be break dancing, but he could be.

      The ork is supposed to be running away yelping like a dog in a cartoon, running on all fours. It a model for use as a captive objective marker in whatever scenario requires it, details and explanation here.

      Thanks for the feedback Subedai!


  14. Shortly after receiveing a bottle to the head: “Swayzork’s hair untidy. Swayzork angry, Swayzork crush!”. You truly have the best ideas. The painting of the pants really brings out that stiffnes of the fabric. Your hair sculpting skills are spot on and the arms look good, too. I guess the muscles could be more defined, but I think it works as it is, no one has a clue about Orc anatomy in any case.
    Per usual I very much enjoy the scenic shots you included and the Orc with the wood leg does look a bit like he is dancing. Very suitable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the feedback daggerandbrush.

      I do enjoy trying to set up the little scenes with the models for photos, but I don’t engage in anything like the very involved shots that you work on. It’s the quick, cartoony cheap attempt at a gag that I aim for, with varying degrees of success. As I say though, I do enjoy it.

      The arms are rather plain, it’s true. They fit well enough with the earlier Rogue Trader era orks in terms of detail though, not that I am suggesting that they are on a par with Kev Adams work or anything 🙂


  15. Hahaha. Loving it. Please, do a Van Dammork some day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • A Van Damme ork isn’t the worst idea that I ever heard…

      I’m glad that Swayzork appeals to you in the meantime wachinayn.


  16. Great work on the model, love both the idea and the result. Sculpting not crude at all, imo.
    I have a copy of Brewhouse Bash mounted on cardboard ready for play, but in the end the game has sadly proven being nothing special, even for a quick free-for-all there are now better options (Warmahordes caster+jack or ‘lock+beast being a fav one among my group).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the kind words about the model Gabbi 🙂

      My memory of the Bash rules was that they were nothing special and a recent reread suggested the same. They are very simple though, which is something that I demand really: I dislike time consuming, unnecessarily complex rule sets.

      The plan for now is to see what elements of the basic rules do work and to see if the core engine is good enough to add a couple of things that I would like to it in future. It has also meant that the attendees at the upcoming get together have each been working on figures that they may not have in advance of the gaming session, which is fun in itself.

      Details of how we get on will follow. It should make for some good photo ops if nothing else 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, if you’ll come up with any good addition or change to the rules, hope you’ll post them here 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • If it works out then definitely 🙂 I’m hoping to make up a small, relatively portable sci-fi bar brawl set for an easy, simple, silly but fast multi-player game that I can bring with me to events without much hassle.

          That’s a bit blue-sky for now though. First things first 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  17. Haha, you made me laugh there!!! 😀 😀
    Absolute piece of genius, didn’t see ths coming!

    Liked by 1 person

    • A goofy but rather enjoyable sub-project Suber, I’m glad that it entertained 🙂

      I played a game using the figure on Friday. I’ll put up some photos over the next few days.


  18. Hahaha brilliant. RIP to Patrick. Didn’t like him any movie sort from Roadhouse and 11:14.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. […] off from his busy no-fixed-abode tax dodging schedule to make an unsavoury deal with known mobster Swayzork. […]


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